For the last 16 years I have been disabled by Parkinson's Disease, Fibromyalgia and a hip injury. I'm 55, and lay bedridden 90% of the time. I cannot do anything for myself, such as shower, cook, or clean. It is necessary for me to have someone take care of me 7 days a week.
I was born in 1951 to a hardworking middle class couple, originally from Tennessee. My father was a full-blooded Cherokee Indian and a World War Two hero. My mother was full blooded Irish with red hair, and a temper to match. My father went into the aerospace industry and relocated our family to Los Angeles, California.
I grew up as an only child. Both of my parents worked and I was a latchkey kid before the term was ever invented. My best friends as a child were my pets and television. From an early age I was a loner.
After high school I worked in my father’s aerospace business as an outside sales representative. I was married in 1972, but due to my husband’s severe depression and my health problems our marriage failed.
Seduced into a bizarre sex cult
In 1978, I became involved with Gideon, a missionary who introduced me to his dreams, desires, and deceptions. Lured by his seeming devotion to me and to God, as well as his sizzling sexuality, and yearning for a meaningful role in the world, I fell in love—both with Gideon and the spiritual promise he was offering. What followed was a torrent of emotions, especially when I was asked to use my body to win souls for Jesus. Caught in the whirlpool of love, sacred aspiration and unbridled sexuality, I attempted to reconcile my feelings for Gideon and God with the teachings of the cult’s self-proclaimed prophet, Moses David.
The constant attacks on my lack of faith for not being healed, and contracting a sexually transmitted disease from my husband, further weakened my immune system.
Through marriage to Gideon, I found myself in the battle of my life as I sought to secure his love. Ultimately I learned that I had to find my own truth or lose my soul. Please read my book, Heavenly Seduction, for the whole story.
Picking up the pieces
After my second divorce I returned to college and received my Bachelor of Science degree from Sierra University in Santa Monica, California. I received my doctorate in Naturopathic medicine from the Clayton School of Natural Healing in Birmingham, Alabama in 1986. My mother passed away suddenly at home alone of a heart attack in 1987. This left my father devastated.
I worked as a health consultant in natural medicine for Haydel and Haydel Chiropractic office in Torrance, California. In 1988 I became a radio talk show host teaching natural medicine. I continued to work until my health became so bad I could no longer function.
I became permanently disabled in 1990 when the pain became so severe in my hips I could no longer sit or walk. I went through many medical tests and found out I had a condition called Fibromyalgia. This is like having arthritis of the muscles. All muscle strength is lost and the body is in constant pain. There is no relief. I cannot do the most simple of things such as take a shower by myself or wash my own hair. I cannot drive a car. I cannot sit for more than ten minutes without excruciating pain. My muscles do not do what I tell them to. I have no strength. It's difficult for me to walk to the bathroom. I have to have everything done for me by a caregiver. Being a horizontal woman is not a life I would wish on anyone.
My father supported me financially and emotionally until his death in 1994. He had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease back in 1983. It was difficult watching this strong vibrant man deteriorate slowly.
After 9/11
The teachings of Moses David, the founder of The Family, came back to me in a rush with the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in 2001. Maybe this was the end of America he had prophesied back in the 1970s? I had thrown out all of the books by Moses David years before, so I went on to The Family website to see if I could read any of the old teachings.
I was surprised to see edited versions of Moses David’s famous letters. His cursing and condemning of America were removed. The web site stated Moses David had died in 1994. I could tell that The Family had cleaned up their act and was denying their past history.
Final Journey?
By the year 2001 practically all of my money was going to caregivers to take care of me daily. I looked into the possibility of housing assistance, but what I found out was it would take ten years to be on the list for assisted living. Because I’m not 65, the cost of supplemental insurance is $700 a month, which uses up most of my monthly Social Security right there. Without my parents I have no one to turn to for assistance.
This financial burden led me to sell my house and leave America, as labor is cheaper in other countries. This was not an easy decision, but without my parents I really had no ties to keep me in America. Despite the lower costs it’s still impossible to survive on Social Security and pay for everything that’s necessary for a complete invalid.
I moved to Antigua thinking it would be my final journey before I died. There, I met a Cuban doctor who was for a while able to improve my health with special treatments. For different reasons, he had to move back to cuba. But the cost of living was too much for me in Antigua, and I decided to move to a third world country.
Having my life somewhat extended for now, I now live in the Dominican Republic where life is less hurried and people actually have time for you. I have a caregiver at a very nominal fee and my doctor and dentist come to my apartment, because it’s so hard for me to be transported. I never could get any doctor to come to my house in America. So for me this is an incredible gift.
The irony is that I contacted every government agency in the US for disabled people and kept hitting roadblocks because of being under the age of 65.
How I wrote my book
In 2005, after taking classes on memoir writing by Gotham Writers workshop for a year, by Internet, I decided to write the story of my marriage to a member of The Family cult.
It took over a year to finish, but I’m amazed I was able to do it. Because of my disability, I have written this entire book while lying horizontal in bed — my monitor hangs over my head and I use voice-activated software to type. Anyone who has ever worked with voice software will understand what a challenge this has been. I add this not for sympathy, but to inspire someone else who is challenged physically not to give up. There's always a way to make things work for yourself. Creativity is the key word to life.
I wrote Heavenly Seduction to help some other lonely person from attaching themselves to groups who proclaim they love you just as you are. Be aware if anyone says this word, love, to you, there may be a motive behind the word. Run don't walk, to the nearest therapist who can help you to learn your own self-value. Self-love is the only love you have control over receiving.
The money I receive from Social Security does not cover the cost for a completely bedridden person. I’m thankful I receive the money, but what little money I have left from the sale of my house is dwindling down to nothing. I am quickly running out of funds, and desperately need financial assistance to continue living. I’m asking for donations to help me continue to live.
Bless you for taking the time to read about me. I appreciate your understanding of my situation.
